What I Want to Become

It's fun to born as a human.It's even interesting to live a human life.I am so lucky and blessed to not born as an animal. For, it would be too easy.Animals born with the inner wisdom,like they already inherited some super power to conquer life.One thing for sure, they can't think.They don't have to i guess.And, sadly, they just have to be what they meant to be, like a cub has to become a lion,a kitten has to become a cat,a calf has to become a cow,a tadpole has to become a frog, a caterpillar has to become a butterfly,etc. They don't have to learn anything because when the time comes,spontaneously they will grow up and live the life that is already set for them,have the automatically special function to survive. They are not like human, they don't have heart-feelings.They need not to make decisions that will make them heartache or headache. They born with understanding of who their enemies are,with intelligent to attack, with psychics to know when is the disaster.If their friend or family die, they don't feel a thing, they just accept it.




Human living is totally another world.You would have no idea of who your enemies are. And, probably you thought you do, but actually you'll never know. As the saying goes, "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. But, don't be negative. These kinda stuffs you might as well just ignore it. Life is still good. The important thing is, you just have to do your best at your part. Well, about that animals can't choose what they want to become, now here's a good thing, we, human, CAN!




In my own life, when i look back, i always have this thought like, wow, i really had a good life.I don't know if i can list one bad thing out because maybe there were but i just don't see them as bad anymore. I mean i can't. To this, i really want to thank God. Because He always do this-He always turns thing from down to up, He always makes things right!

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When i was 5, the very first year i stepped into the kindergarten(schooling-life), i remember there was a teacher in class using a white chalk to write something on the blackboard. He wrote it very big till i can still remember the word-"DREAM". And, that's the very day i learned the other meaning of the word.I was so bold enough to raise my hand in the air and interrupted the teacher by saying, "Sir, i know!"Then he asked me with his eyes wide opened, "You know what?" I said, "I know what dream means, i just had one last night"I was glee when everyone else in class staring at me like they know nothing and i do. Then the teacher burst my bubble, he said it immediately and was kinda loud after i sat down."Wrong!That's not the meaning we're talking here, you aren't paying attention" "Now, who knows what i mean?" A guy spoke. He wasn't even raise his hand or stand up while he was speaking. He was just folding up his arm like a big boss, narrowed his eyes to me and spoke after he cleared his throat,"he's trying to say ambition or what we want to be or to have"."Bingo!" The teacher snapped. "But" he said, "the actual meaning should be, a wish to have or be something especially one that seems difficult to achieve."And, that was when i first fell for a guy, first experienced love at first sight,he was real good looking in my memory and brave and smart. Then, i made a sentence, "Now, that's my dream boy". I accidentally said it out loud with my left palm on my cheek and left elbow on the desk, keeping my eyes on him. He had a crooked smile on his lips like he knew what i was saying,very cute and irresistible. Then i can hear the whole class guffawed. I was bewildered because i can't catch a thing why they were laughing so loud and what happened to that boy flashed tomato red. Then i turned to my right, she was laughing too, i stopped her and asked, "what's going on?"She said "we heard you said he's your dream boy then we turned to you and we saw you were looking at him, that was pretty funny". I rolled my eyes,"opps". Sir said, "Good, miss wee, that was a good one".I felt so embarrassing.The teacher continued, "So, we're going to do this, we're gonna sit in a circle then i'd pick the very first, luckiest, chosen one, and then we're gonna go round the circle one by one, each must tell what he's/she's dream and tell us why, okay kids?!Let's get started!".




I can tell even when i was 5, Sir purposely set me and ***** to sit together. Well, thanks to him because we became good friends since that until now.So, without any further procrastination after he settled our seats and the real round circle, he picked bla bla bla to tell out his dream. Most of the kids said they wanted to become doctor. And their reasons were pretty alike and naive, they said "because docs can save lives"Some said firefighter, teacher, etc. Salvation i guess they liked.Save people from injure,from pain,from disease, from fire, from stupidity.Then i said veterinary without crossing my mind because i love animals. Deep down inside when i was a child i believed there were souls in animals that we will meet someday in the paradise, so i wasn't sobbing dreary when my hamsters died like my sister did during the little casual funeral we made for them.




2 years later, I went to primary school. A missy asked us the familiar question during the first day of school, what we wanted to become when we grew up? However i've changed my mind.I didn't want to be a vet any longer although i still like animals. I dreamed to become a bar manager. I told missy and she staggered. Her face expression told me one thing,"this little girl must've been out of her mind, what the hell she was thinking?!"She smiled and asked, why?I told her because i watched a TV show, "Charmed" and i like it a lot, piper, one of the casts was a bar manager. Besides i like beer a lot. I like it ever since i tasted it. 7 year old gal likes beer, yea, 7.




Entering high school was when i 13, i already grew up both physically and mentally mature.The first day at school, madame asked me the same old thing, what i wanted to become.I said i wanted to become a flight attendant.I whispered to myself,"so, i can fish some rich aristocrats there". Few years later, i was asked again then i said an international model.Ha, i guess money and fame were all i after that time.Right now?I have a real dream finally, i know i won't change and i will work hard for it if necessary. One thing for certain,it's nothing to do with animals nor beers.



Now, this is life,surrounding changes our mind. If you can't fix your goal specific, you gon' lose it forever. The fire is pretty easy to ignite but it's also easy to distinguish and goes away. When we talk about dream, we talk about attempt, it's hard but it's not impossible. I ain't trying to be unrealistic or living inside the wonderland i know this is a real world i know there are obstacles but you see there are too many accomplishment examples of course not to say there aren't got any failures so we can be either persistent or the-easily-give-up-ones.It's actually our choice to be what we want to become. The power is in your hand!



p/s:if i missed out any commas sorry about that!And, don't see my words ostensibly, see it in details even i didn't mention.

Melancholia

Melancholia, as far as i concern, it is a very serious disease. A disease that could effect not only to the melancholics but also to the people surround them.In my family,there is an aunt who is currently suffering from melancholia and is under treatment and a granny who is a "pathetic queen of anxiety". Why say so? Oh, is because she simply worry too much. Ironically, like she loves to worry.Often we hear people advice us by saying, "don't think too much, let it be" or, "you should stop worrying" even the scriptures tell us from Philippians 4:6, “Do not be anxious [do not worry] about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”,Matthew 6:25:
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?",1 Peter 5:7 :"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."etc.




Stress is the most important factor to melancholia.And, stress conveyed by many tiny reasons behind, so tiny until sometimes we don't even believe it exists.Some of us like to deny they have pressure as i said they are too tiny to be seemed, to be noticed. Little stress is good for health, but when it is exceeded and if it isn't being coped well, it will be aggravated and finally become what we so called melancholia. Everyone has stress, has pressure, has burdens in their life or else how they survive? This is a fact,an indisputable,an undeniable fact that we MUST accept. It depends on how strong the stress is, how high the pressure is or how heavy the burden is.Some people can easily handle while some just can't no matter how hard (they thought) they've tried.




If you'd like to penetrate the real deal, i tell you what, melancholia is not only occur to adults but also occurs to teens. Unbelievable? It's true. As if the heart attack, according to the NEW YORK Reuters Health report, heart attacks can occur in teenagers at ages 12-20.Same thing to melancholia. WORLD HAS CHANGED,NO, WORLD IS CHANGING, RANDOMLY CHANGING. Sounds like teens have more to worry than adults. What to blame?It's life persecution. Like many of us know about Hong Kong, if you visit it, you will find out the people footsteps are lesser than here in Malaysia, they tended to walk 2 steps at a time. They say, if you're ain't fast, you'll be the last. That is correct, environment does effects a lot, not to mention the atmosphere. But, are we all susceptible, infectious? Or, have we forgotten about self-control?Have we lost the ability to tell our brain, our mind what to do,how to function?Today, during my oral test, my teacher said something about emotional people and he mentioned about women. He said,women have to bear the affliction each month which is menstruation that normally gives many bad effects on behavior due to it.Some women will become crabby during the period and some may suffer the physical pain.Now here's the thing, if we, women, can't even take it easy, can't even embrace, it will directly become a stress to us and people around us will gon have to take the suffer along innocently. Thereby, let us all, women, learn to be selfless as it regards to people we care we love.




Back to melancholia.It happened usually to the people with high education, high income and people who study psychology or the counselors i believe. Who knows someone who've been giving encouragements, advices, treatments, solutions all these time are the one who ended up with melancholia?Incredulous?I tell you it might happen, in fact, it is happening. They had taught people a lot and in the end they just can't repeat telling those teachings back to themselves.They can't motivate themselves when the situation they've seen in others for many times are like the life cycle turning back at them exactly with no difference.




People with melancholia, they think negatively. Everything to them is just black and white. There ain't got no sunshine, no color in their life. Nothing they see could draw their attention, could entice them, could lure them. Everything has 2-sides-effects.Either good or bad. Melancholics, they only witness the bad part, the leak, the bleak, the ugly, the scanty, the dismal, the gloomy, the dusky, the hole, the every wrong thing. You can't expect them to think this way, "the sun is shining bright". They will only tell you, "the sun is damn hot." Or, you expect to hear them say "the rain pours down for the grass to grow,thank God!",instead, they'll just tell you, "the rain is making the road slippery"



p/s:They'll hide themselves inside a box and in order to get them out of that box is to stretch our hand out to them, provide them a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to their moans. And, the most importantly, pray for them.Because God can do what we can't!

My time

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to cheer up and a time to feel down
A time to be enthusiastic and a time to lose the fire
A time to rebuild broken relationships and a time to tear each other apart
A time to have faith in everything and a time to stop believe
A time to laugh and a time to sob
A time to speak and a time to shush
A time to run away and a time to stand still
A time to be activated and a time to fall sick
A time to stand on the stage and a time to work at the backstage
A time to sing and a time to meditate
A time to take caffeine and a time to say "enough"
A time to get used to it and a time to make a change
A time to wake up and a time to sleep
A time to be alert and a time to dream
A time to not bearing and a time to forgive
A time to win and a time to lose
A time to climb and a time to fall
A time to fight and a time to adapt
A time to lie on bed and a time to lie inside the coffin

Confident

This morning was not easy...there were either ways from my prediction, 1: i'd ended up letting people smashing the broken eggs and thrown all over my face, 2: win a round of applause of everyone. Eventually i done it swiftly and 2nd hypothesis was accepted. That was lucky i called. Funny thing is the different "sweird-feelings" i had between standing among the people, with my eyebrows furrowed in panic, anxiety simultaneously and standing on the stage, facing the crowd fulled of eyes contact, i was surprisingly calm, steady, not a slight of fear. They said, when u get up stage, u'll have few seconds to shiver then few minutes to nervous then all the butterfly fly away. i guess the time when someone was adjusting and modulating the mic had given me the chance to relax myself facing the crowd without a smidgen of worries. I even put smiles on my mouth and glanced at the people i barely know.

It's about confident. in chinese we say,自信, when 自 means self and 信 means trust. Do you have one? Do you believe in yourselves that you can do it? Are you dare to stand up boldly before your friends, strangers, elders, ignore their thoughts, despite the reviews, remarks, comments of em. Not feeling embarrassed when you are doing exact nothing wrong. Flaunting your talents, outshine yourselves, tell people what you really want, don't let your heart blame your tongue(except for the wrong things that shan't slip thru). Say you have a crush on someone, sometimes i can't comprehend, what the hell is wrong with declaration? why it takes so long for someone to tell another how they feel about them and probably it's gonna take forever and let remorse takes its place. If succeed, amazing what?If failed, take this "let it go" thought and move on, turn your head to the left, he/she ain't yr family, they are not irreplaceable. Or, say you were dressing hot, looking good and decent but why being shy?why people asked you to take a shot you walk away? Alright, you were not looking fine, you thought you look horrible, hideously ugly, but remember this, you are a creature made by God, His masterpieces! you born with this countenance with a deepen buried purpose or reason behind, everyone is beautiful because after all, beauty is in the eyes of beholders. It's okay to look weird in the photo, everyone had their worst shots,included Angelina Jolie. Yet, photos are to commemorate the moments that are about to gone for ever and after. why bother how you look? Just be confident on who you are.I once heard people said, the saddest people in the world is the one who can't even love himself/herself.If you don't, who else will?However, my theory is, the saddest people in the world is the one who can't even admire himself/herself.C'mon,if you don't, who else will?